圖片來源：家‧傭同行(Open Door) http://www.opendoor.hk/

文：Anthony Hui(2015年度「請給我一杯涼水──關懷弱勢群體實習計劃」同學)

1. More questions, more blessing

I applied for Cold Water, hoping to discover myself, my community and the ones who suffer. Instead of answers, there came more questions as we progress through the program. How have I deceived myself by neglecting my own feelings while regarding myself as honest? The Bible asked us to love our neighbors, but who are my neighbors? Which community do I belong to? Who is the one suffering in power imbalance? Is it the ruler, the powerless or are they both suffering? The Four Spiritual Laws doesn't sound like “good news” to me if I am the marginalized of Hong Kong. If so, what IS the gospel? God answered these questions by putting me through this program and I would like to share them with you.

On top of the questions in my mind, the NGO post assigned to me was far from what I expected. Nevertheless, God’s plan is always a blessing. My experiences at Open Door and Cold Water School were nothing but a tailored gift from God.

1a. We are gifted and special

Unlike my fellow course mates, I seldom get to chat with service users of the NGO. Ruby (my partner at Open Door) and I spent most of our time on our computers in an air conditioned office. In the beginning, I could not understand how administrative work helps me in fulfilling my objectives. When I applied in the first place, I was looking forward to stimulations from interpersonal interactions. Despite the period of confusion in the beginning, the good intention of God was made clear in Mid-term Evaluation when Doris (our supervisor at Open Door) shared her views on Ruby and me. She found us very different in what we find comfortable working with. (Mr Wan put such role(崗位)-person-fit as the feeling of being at “home”.) I enjoy dealing with predictable, procedural and emotionless administrative tasks where reasoning is the only requirement, not emotions. This turns out to be what I am good at and made plenty of progress on. By this, I do not mean I should always stay in my comfort zone, yet, my gifts (恩賜) from God became evident. I was created as special and non replaceable by God. I guess in a Social Care  Ministry (社關事工)，the ones working in the background on documents and files are just as unique  and important as the ones on the field.

1b. Be honest to our holistic being (全人)

It was said that one is not more rational if one denies all emotions. Indeed, God gave us thoughts, emotions, imagination, memory and many more. These human faculties are here to take care of us if we get to know their role and limitations well. From the generous feedback from Ruby, I discovered how progress and result oriented collaboration could easily neglect the feelings and emotions of team members. Through the encouragement of FES pastors, I realize I have not only neglected the emotional needs of my team member, but also my own. No wonder why I seldom feel the care and concern from God. It has been myself rejecting my own emotions. I was taught to reason with logic and not to look back on regrets. Unfortunately, this fostered a shameful attitude towards my own emotions and thus a habit of suppression. Through practicing and understanding Examine Prayer, I realized how God is concerned on my physical, mental, and spiritual needs. With this belief, my emotions are  seen as a gift from God, a channel of communication instead of a barrier to rationality. Being honest to oneself is not only to accept the subjective facts but also embracing one’s earnest feelings. Then, in the State of Congruence (表裏如一) we could try to reach out and care for our neighbours’ feelings and thoughts.

1c. We gather, spread, and be good neighbours

In the mornings of Cold Water School, we got together and looked into ourselves together with God by spending time with Him. By means of this, we once again welcome the Holy Spirit into our perspectives, experiences, motives and decision makings. Allowing God to be our focus can let us get to know more of us as his cherished creation and him as our loving and righteous father. Mr Nouwen believes it is then we are trained with the vision , discernment, persistence to make changes in the world but not being of the world.

After lunch, we listened to our neighbors’ needs and got prepared to spread out for them. I guess in a narrow sense, our neighbours are those we care about, the ones that we share a sense of belonging with. Yet as a follower of Jesus, we yearn  to see and feel the world with his eyes and His heart. In this broader and higher light, all those of His concern are our neighbours, including those who rule over us, and those who are living in sin and appears to be unclean.

1d. Gospel of the marginalized

We know the word gospel means “good news”; it is also said that Jesus Himself IS the gospel. In the context of Social Care, I tried to get into the shoes of the marginalized: at this time and space, what is it that I need the most? I probably wanted to be free, free from the stigmatization of society; the helplessness and hopelessness of endless toil. “Good news” from such perspective is not just to set one's spirit free but also to resort one's physical, mental and social health. In such process it is not just one's soul we have to win over. We also ought to fight for one's resting time and other basic needs and rights. If such a fight is political (which by definition it must), then we have no choice but to be passively involved. I guess this is what they call as an Integral Mission. Where spreading the Gospel is to care for one’s holistic being and genuine care for a being IS evangelising.

2.Ripples of Cold Water

One might imagine the most effective way of helping a person is to tell them what to do by pushing them until they do so and meet a standard. This approach might be effective in short term when there is a mutually recognized hierarchy: a self-sufficient giver and a helpless receiver. However, this could easily lead to the burning out of the giver as he/she either feels powerless over the receiver’s adversity or, even worse, almighty and thus become manipulative over time. On the other hand, under a long term Assisted (他助) circumstance, an unhealthy dependence could be built from the receiver's point of view. Cold Water offered us another approach to respond to the ones we genuinely care for. Although the program seems to have ended, the ripples of its effect continues. The following are two refreshed perspectives brought with me when I meet my neighbours: to recognize the difference and commonality between us.

2a. We were made different

I understood more on the difference between my neighbors and me. I kept  looking for the uniqueness of each individual; getting to know the gifts and the Crosses (十字架) of my neighbors. I wish to appreciate God’s loving creation through his sons and daughters and the ones who are yet to realize this fact. I am trying not to generalize my neighbours prematurely into categories of my past experiences and always leave room for unknowns and uncertainties. I guess this is what they mean by having an open mind.

It is okay to be different, yet, we are not expected to fully agree with all characteristics of my neighbours. Mr Fung reminded us not to romanticizes Social Care. All of our subjects made mistakes and have plenty to improve on. It is simply natural to dislike or even put up a fight with some of their habits or practices, no different from how we deal with our family members. We all have our own cross to be taken up, the ones we care for are no exception. But then where do we draw the line? What is and isn't one’s own responsibility? Mr Fung gave us an interesting answer. He thought the focus should not be on looking for the entity responsible but to acknowledge on Jesus’ crucifixion/sacrifice and resurrection, those who believe in Him are now ABLE to be responsible, and to fight with their troubles in His name.

2b. We are on the same boat

At the same time, my neighbors and I are on the same boat of being violated by Sin. In Mr Fung’s words, we are all sinned against. Sin separated us from the love which sets us free. As a victim of Sin, we are kept fearful; fearful of rejection, being overthrown and worst of all worthlessness. From this broad sense of view, both the ruler and the powerless on earth suffers. We are all forcibly put on the same boat. I still get stunned whenever I recognize how similar we really are in terms of being a victim of Sin. This acknowledgement allows me not only to empathize with my neighbors but also to see how I (along with everyone else) need the grace of the lord to live each and every day. With this, comes the motivation to accompany one’s journey of growth; to understand and support in times of struggle and strain; to feel and empathize in times of despair and dissatisfaction. I have the urge to whisper to my hurt neighbour, “You are not alone.” and to proclaim to this crooked world, “Jesus has risen, has won and on His glorious throne.”

3. Love our neighbors

In Cold Water, God had not only answered my questions, He also sent me role models of team players, leaders, companions, citizens and neighbours. The encounter with people’s lives (生命的觸碰) have become my own experience, memory and thus part of me. Such sense of an Integral Mission is embedded in my mind as I continue to walk with many others. On this journey, very often, we are fearful but He is loving; we are deprived but He is abundant; we are not bothered but he cares. As His followers, serving my community with the spirit of “Love your neighbours as you love myself” become less impossible.

4. Thanksgiving

I would like to thank my internship partner Ruby for sharing her thoughts and feelings generously. I also thank Doris, my supervisor at Open Door for her trust in us as well as her efforts in arranging the most suitable tasks for us. Angus is my mentor of the program and I thank him for spending time with me and challenges me with his liberal mind. I will also have to thank my fellow cold water course mates for sharing their intellectual minds and earnest feelings especially in the end camp. The three cold water pastors as well as organizers fostered an encouraging and comfortable learning atmosphere which I valued and truly appreciated. Their patience and underling hope for our generation is of much importance to our development. Thank you God for this whole experience and opportunity, his presence in the form of our cold water group and inside my heart. It is His acceptance and presence that allowed me to discover myself and those around me.

Mr Nouwen, Prof. Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen
Mr Wan, Prof. WAN Wai Yiu Milton
Mr Fung, Raymond Fung (馮煒文)

編按：標題為編者所擬。